i hate blogs and facebook

i want to be disconnected.
for a day. for a weekend. for a season.
i envy those artists who leave and travel europe, sleeping in book stores & 'find themselves'
i swing in this pendulum between passion and empathy.
i know myself and dont need to go off to find her, but still, im envious of that billowy spirit
its reckless and irresponsible
similar to how i feel when i disobey the rules at work by taking ice out of the tray without the newly enforced 'ice tongs'
[in hopes of preventing any further spread of the dreaded flu of swine, or is that not politically correct to say anymore.. the dreaded h1n1..]
why would i want to waste my time using ice tongs rather than my hands to get my ice for my beloved camel bak water bottle.
with ice tongs i get one cube per pinch
with hands i can usually ensure a good 3-4 cubes at a time.
for effectiveness & efficiency sake, I go with hands

however back to this wandering spirit of irresponsibility and modern day hippie
Its wierdly ideal
but powerfully annoying

i find myself looking at these artists, or artist wanna bes, or people from orange county dressed in urban 'hippie' clothes, shaking my head, annoyed, but yet still transfixed and looking.
how annoying, but yet that life
anothers life we all envy
its so dumb
really, so dumb
when i am so satisfied, happy and content
the greener grass beckons us, temps us and makes us freel insufficient, invaluable and unsatisfied.
this is not god. these are not the whispers and protective words that god provides
damn you facebook for tempting me, making me feel worthless and left out
damn you insecure thoughts in my head that make me believe it
and yet, the recognition and acknowlegement makes me feel wildly stronger and more established.
i have friends
i have people whom love me
who see me
who know me
and want to know me deeper
oh the thougths of a pre-pms young professional, woman.

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