balls

i like the phrase
i got balls
but i literally dont
so what is the female version of balls
grit?

i got grit i got audasity i got curage i got rythem, i got music, i got my man who could ask for anything more

hmm,
well i think i have balls
when i say no to something i think i have them
i just told off the phone with an ex special ops colleague who was trying to make me feel bad for a mistake i made, which i had already apologized for and ammended

i told him - why are you taking this so personally
im not attacking you
and why are you so threatened

grit

no man, ex military or not wants a girl to tell him that he is threatened

but, alas, that is what i did and i think he was ok with it
work has been good in these past post-holiday weeks
i have hundreds of photos waiting to be posted with foods and activities and sights
but i just cant bring myself to post them
call it lazidayical call it apathy
hopefully theyll be up on friday - and days after that, stalling for a post a day
but who has time for that anyway
as my friend abby wrote....where have i been you ask, ive been out, away, living my life away from this!

i drew the big dipper on my wrist the other day and i think my neice liked it
but then i feared i was worshipping the stars or was becoming an astrologist
because i write leonation and like when heather reads peoples signs and talks about the perils of their lives and the demise of their potential relationships with members of alternative months

i have so much to say today
and have to blame the 800mg of ibprofen and the standing all day and hurting when sitting
and fearing about complaining about my back
and not wanting to be weak but wanting to say and make people know. "my back hurts"
cant yo ujust empathize? understand? have compassion and pity
oof
noone wants pity, but sometimes i do!
ah how sad - i think pity must translate into people wanting to be seen
to be known, understood, listened to, held
and i suppose thats the underlying of all complaints, drama, and words
to be listened to, known and seen
and so these are my tuesday thoughts,
you might think i dont have much to do if im writing all of this, but i actually do
so better get on with it

i wore tennis shoes to work yesterday and you know what...that takes balls too